We all know that my job is never boring. One piece I’m finding particularly interesting today is the number of people who are still legally married but have been separated in real life for a while, often a long while. I’d say a decent percentage of my calls are from clients who just need to get their divorce finalized (and what they really mean is get the divorce started!)
I see how it happens, and I’m glad that there’s such a large number of people who have no interest in seeking the Fight as the Answer. Whether you were married for one year or 15, it seems it is not uncommon to disentangle actual “real” life, and forego dealing with the paperwork. The obvious reality of it is that it took paperwork to get married, and it takes paperwork to get UN-married (or as I like to say- “get single”).
When 2 people have been separated for years, it seems the most common time they seek the dissolution of their marriage is when they want to get married again, or add a new family member to their new(est) relationship. Well that makes sense. You don’t want to keep the old spouse when you get a new one.
These situations are really among the more pleasant of sessions held. The clients usually have been living out some kind of existing schedule regarding finances, children, and whatever else was combined during the marriage. I can often help them iron out any discomforts they had been simply enduring for the sake of not having to talk to one another. Every client, every family, and every situation has their own set of standards that they live comfortably with, as well as some they don’t want to live with anymore. No two stories are the same. I am asked so many times, “What’s normal?”. I have to reply with literally the same question. I can offer parallels, similarities, generalities, but no “normal”. The longer I’m a Mediator, the more firmly I believe that if you can think of it, people are doing it.
As I stated, I’m happy to be here for the people who are Ready to Move On. And I am so very well aware of how life gets busy, life gets complicated, life gets fun, or life gets scary, and any one of those is a valid reason the details get put on hold.
I was just wanting to share a few thoughts on how we all live so differently, yet find some of the most interesting variables in common. I also wanted to encourage any one that is hesitant to make an appointment because it has been so long, or maybe you’ve even made appointments with me, or another lawyer or Mediator; only to cancel, reschedule, or simply decide not to go. While I am in no way a fan of no-shows- I do understand. I also am not here to judge what ever has gone on in your life that led you to where you are now. I’m here to help you get to where you want to be.
So don’t be shy. Get on with your life! I sure hope today’s note finds you enjoying your day.
And remember- The Rest of Your Life Begins Here.