If you’ve been through a divorce, or known some one who has; you know it’s not an easy time in life. Whether “breaking up” was a well planned life step orchestrated amicably, or an unexpected and life shatter-er; it’s complex and overwhelming. No one can figure it out for you, and you won’t get it figured out in one day. The fact is- Only You Know What You Want and Why.
It’s difficult to sort through your thoughts, needs, and options. Many of us have friends and family members that offer support, advice, and just an ear to listen. Some of us keep the whole thing to ourselves. Regardless of your support system, there are decisions that should not be made by a stranger.
To further that thought; the decisions can easily be diluted by the illusion of needing to stand our ground. It’s human nature to want our voice heard, and protect what’s rightfully ours. We will go to great lengths to ensure we don’t have things taken from us. We have locks on our doors, security systems, insurance policies, law enforcement, and even neighborhood block-watch to ensure our belongings are safe from being removed without our permission.
So where’s the line between protecting your interests and wasting the resources available to replace them? Only you can know where that boundary is. Until you see it, you’re looking through the “Dissolution Illusion”. It’s the naturally protective place where we won’t allow specific things to be taken from us, and we are therefore at risk of everything else being unprotected.
A perfect example is this: A couple in the midst of divorce have a recently purchased a 60″ 3D Plazma HDTV. They both worked overtime to afford it, and both have favorite movies and programs they now enjoy more because of it. The cost of the spectacular TV was $2,000 and their homeowners policy would cover it if it were stolen from the home. These people are proud of this hard earned luxury and both feel deserving of keeping it. It’s quite common for there to be lawyers representing their side of the story at a cost of about $250 per hour, so together it’s $500 per hour going out to protect their interest in this TV.
Of course there’s more to it, (other things being argued and what not) but it’s too easy to get caught up in standing your ground. Only you know how much protecting your interest is worth as a dollar value.
Only you know when you could have replaced what you were fighting to keep had you not continued fighting about it.
As I’ve stated in other articles, there are some decisions that should be made by an authority. But is who gets the TV one of them? Granted, this is an expensive, spectacular TV, and who gets to keep it is not an easy thing to figure out fairly. So would you rather have some one else decide? And if so, how much are you willing to pay to get to that decision?
Only you know these answers but it sure is worth thinking about. Clarity is available through your divorce, but you must actively seek it. I’ve been there, and I know it’s not easy. And even when you feel you’ve overcome one hurdle, your standing in front of another one, but you gain wisdom and experience along the way. You’ll make some decisions you later rejoice, and some you regret; just like in all areas of life. An important thought to keep reoccurring in your mind is to avoid the Dissolution Illusion. Try to remember that this is a transition phase. What’s going on right now is not what will always be. Try to remember that when you do get your new routine with your new and old belongings and habits; you want to have as many resources still in tact as possible. So don’t be wasteful with time, money and energy because the fight is already happening.
How and why you got here isn’t as important as how and where you’re going.
Avoid the Dissolution Illusion. Actively seek clarity. Remember to ask yourself if the item your hanging onto is worth cost of what else slips through your grip.
To find out more you can visit my website at www.TrueNorthEmpire.com for when the fight is not the answer. We know you want to communicate. All you need is someone to listen.
Many of our disputes are headed toward litigation. Many are already in the middle of it. Unfortunately, “lawsuit”, and “court action” are likely words you are familiar with. The reason this is unfortunate is that there are other options available.
Many people feel that the only way to get a conflict resolved is to have a Judge tell the other person what to do. It’s not uncommon to feel that a Judge or authority is the only way to “get through” to the person you are in conflict with. My experience however, has been that no one likes to be told what to do. It has also been my observation that the results of a dispute settled by a Court rarely makes anyone happy. Even when people feel that they “won” in court, it is not a good feeling they leave with. The cost alone of the litigation usually dampens any good feelings available.
What I’m describing here is that it’s more pleasant to choose to do something you don’t want to do (ie: compromise) than it is to be told to do something you were going to do anyway. That’s simple human nature. We want a choice, and we want to feel like the decision made was ours.