Isn’t Mediation Really Just Giving In?

After all, if you could come to an agreement, you would have, right? So now it’s time to let a judge tell the other side that you’ve been right all along.

Think again.  Not only does the judge not have the opportunity to know the details that got you to the decisions you’re making; common sense isn’t always allowed.  Unless there’s a trail of police records **and you’re not part of them**….You may not want an authoritative stranger making life decisions for you.

Remember that in a court setting each party has the opportunity to tell their side of the story- and each story is given equal weight in  importance.

“Fair and Equitable” isn’t up to you.  It’s up to you to convince a stranger what “fair” in your life should look like.  Hey, maybe that’s what you want.  Maybe you want someone to tell you what you’re allowed to do; and what the consequence will be if you violate that Order.

But on the off chance that you want to make enforceable life decisions for yourself- Choose Mediation.

Here you can bring your WHOLE STORY and have more than 10 minutes to tell it.  Better yet, bring your attorney and let them help you say it right.  But in the end- YOU DECIDED.

The best part? You can change your mind…..What??? Life may change in ways you didn’t expect???  That’s right.  Change your mind as your needs change and have a say in what you’re obligations should be based on just that.

I’m not a Judge, Commissioner, or Attorney.  I’m just one of you.  What do I know? Only how it feels to really be there, and have to live with the decisions that were made.  When you need an authoritative stranger to let the other side know what’s best- its also being decided for YOU, and you’re just as put in your place as they are. So is Mediation really just giving in? Sure.  Giving in to the fact that you are capable of making your own decisions.  Maybe that’s not for you.

TrueNorthEmpire – I’m here to help.

I am not an attorney licensed to practice law in any state.  Nothing I have said or ever will say is ever legal advice. Ever.


Spices in Life

Some people in your life are not so much a necessary evil as they are a beneficial one~ Like a habanero pepper. Don’t let it touch your bare skin or get near your eyes, and DO NOT consume it in solitude. But if you can handle the searing burn it promises; you may enjoy the additional flavor it offers. And despite the corrosive possibilities; when added skillfully, many health benefits are available.

We are surrounded by habaneros every day. Only we can decide which ones are worth the burn.


Careful, they’re perennials. 


Happy Father’s Day 2012


Enjoy Flag Day 2012

Enjoy Flag Day from TrueNorthEmpire

Wave our Flag and Enjoy Today!
From True North Empre

A Chosen Perception

This was not some 3-D eye game where you have to cross your eyes to reveal a hidden image.  This was artful photography in a beautiful environment that I had quickly, subconsciously, and firmly decided what I was looking at.

It was one picture, but two photographs were taken to comprise it (I think- don’t quote me).

I enjoyed gazing at this great two-part photo of a person standing next to a fence with her hand on a rung of the fence; and in the overlapping pose she was facing the opposite direction.

After maybe an hour of visiting my colleague discussed the picture.  I was informed of some particulars. The information that became alarming to me was that she was not standing next to a fence, but next to a building.  Her hand was not on a rung of the fence, but on a window sill. (What?!)

As I stared more intently at this picture, I tried to force my eyes to see what I was being told was there.  It was not easy. I first had to convince myself that the “rungs” on the fence I saw were actually the slats of siding on a building.  Okay….got that far, now where’s the window sill? I looked up to the sides of where her hand was (where my brain told me the sides of a window should be if one really existed in this picture) and to my amazement the window appeared within the picture, as well as the roof of the building and the entire outline!

I stared in disbelief at this picture as more details revealed themselves to me…..I mean as I accepted the details I was already looking at.  I have reflected on this picture countless times since that day to remind myself how even the most rational of minds (mine is the most rational to me of course right?) are existing within a chosen reality.

My brain had picked quickly what made the most sense and even enjoyed the particulars of it.  But it didn’t exist! In how many other areas of life are we functioning on this basis? And is there anything wrong with that?

The answer is individual to each situation.  But I bring to my mind this example whenever I am faced with perceptions that differ from mine.

What we see is what we decide to see.  And that’s okay, as long as we are willing to allow in new information, and adjust our perception as the new info comes in.

Are You Ready To Move On?



When you aim for perfection; you discover it’s a moving target and the perfection may actually be in the movement itself.

Dissolution Illusion

If you’ve been through a divorce, or known some one who has; you know it’s not an easy time in life.  Whether “breaking up” was a well planned life step orchestrated amicably, or an unexpected and life shatter-er; it’s complex and overwhelming.  No one can figure it out for you, and you won’t get it figured out in one day.  The fact is- Only You Know What You Want and Why.

It’s difficult to sort through your thoughts, needs, and options.  Many of us have friends and family members that offer support, advice, and just an ear to listen.  Some of us keep the whole thing to ourselves.  Regardless of your support system, there are decisions that should not be made by a stranger.

To further that thought; the decisions can easily be diluted by the illusion of needing to stand our ground.  It’s human nature to want our voice heard, and protect what’s rightfully ours. We will go to great lengths to ensure we don’t have things taken from us.  We have locks on our doors, security systems, insurance policies, law enforcement, and even neighborhood block-watch to ensure our belongings are safe from being removed without our permission.

So where’s the line between protecting your interests and wasting the resources available to replace them?  Only you can know where that boundary is.  Until you see it, you’re looking through the “Dissolution Illusion”.  It’s the naturally protective place where we won’t allow specific things to be taken from us, and we are therefore at risk of everything else being unprotected.

A perfect example is this: A couple in the midst of divorce have a recently purchased a 60″ 3D Plazma HDTV. They both worked overtime to afford it, and both have favorite movies and programs they now enjoy more because of it.  The cost of the spectacular TV was $2,000 and their homeowners policy would cover it if it were stolen from the home.  These people are proud of this hard earned luxury and both feel deserving of keeping it.  It’s quite common for there to be lawyers representing their side of the story at a cost of about $250 per hour, so together it’s $500 per hour going out to protect their interest in this TV.

Of course there’s more to it, (other things being argued and what not) but it’s too easy to get caught up in standing your ground.  Only you know how much protecting your interest is worth as a dollar value.

Only you know when you could have replaced what you were fighting to keep had you not continued fighting about it.

As I’ve stated in other articles, there are some decisions that should be made by an authority.  But is who gets the TV one of them?  Granted, this is an expensive, spectacular TV, and who gets to keep it is not an easy thing to figure out fairly.  So would you rather have some one else decide?  And if so, how much are you willing to pay to get to that decision?

Only you know these answers but it sure is worth thinking about. Clarity is available through your divorce, but you must actively seek it.  I’ve been there, and I know it’s not easy.  And even when you feel you’ve overcome one hurdle, your standing in front of another one, but you gain wisdom and experience along the way. You’ll make some decisions you later rejoice, and some you regret; just like in all areas of life.  An important thought to keep reoccurring in your mind is to avoid the Dissolution Illusion.  Try to remember that this is a transition phase.  What’s going on right now is not what will always be.  Try to remember that when you do get your new routine with your new and old belongings and habits; you want to have as many resources still in tact as possible.  So don’t be wasteful with time, money and energy because the fight is already happening.

How and why you got here isn’t as important as how and where you’re going.

Avoid the Dissolution Illusion.  Actively seek clarity.  Remember to ask yourself if the item your hanging onto is worth cost of what else slips through your grip.

Dissolution Illusion

When the Emotions Clear; What Will You See?

To find out more you can visit my website at for when the fight is not the answer.  We know you want to communicate.  All you need is someone to listen.

Feel the Vision you want to Be

Beautiful Spokane. Beautiful Woman.

Never give up. Never believe that you can’t succeed in making a difference. All it takes; is all you got.

Litigation vs Resolve

Many of our disputes are headed toward litigation. Many are already in the middle of it.  Unfortunately, “lawsuit”, and “court action” are likely words you are familiar with.  The reason this is unfortunate is that there are other options available.

Many people feel that the only way to get a conflict resolved is to have a Judge tell the other person what to do.  It’s not uncommon to feel that a Judge or authority is the only way to “get through” to the person you are in conflict with.  My experience however, has been that no one likes to be told what to do.  It has also been my observation that the results of a dispute settled by a Court rarely makes anyone happy.  Even when people feel that they “won” in court, it is not a good feeling they leave with.  The cost alone of the litigation usually dampens any good feelings available.

What I’m describing here is that it’s more pleasant to choose to do something you don’t want to do (ie: compromise) than it is to be told to do something you were going to do anyway.   That’s simple human nature.  We want a choice, and we want to feel like the decision made was ours.

And She was right


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