Your Perception or My Reality?

We all know that our perception is our reality.  We also know that the same perception isn’t shared by everyone.  When it comes to a shared experience, we can easily, and emphatically, feel that a person who describes the experience differently than we do to be Lying.  It often becomes a block of sorts in our mind once we determine someone to have lied about us or something we were involved in.  We experience anger regarding it.

When two (or more) persons perceptions are to be taken into consideration for purposes of decision making, we increase the risks of disagreement on the decision to be made.  And as I said, once one person feels there to be dishonesty, things can unravel quickly.

My job as Your Mediator is to facilitate communication between you.  Chances are, you have already communicated what you don’t agree on.  So my job is really to facilitate communication of what you do agree on.  Sometimes that is much like finding a needle in a haystack (or as one colleague called it- pulling a rabbit out of a hat).  The good news is that its in there somewhere.

It is not my job to tell you every word that was said when I speak privately with each party.  It is not my job to point out discrepancies you hadn’t stumbled upon yet.  I’m not here to even the score for the wrongs imposed on you by the other person.  I’m here to help you Move On.  It is my job to listen, and listen well.  When you’re the person in the dispute every thing usually sounds offensive.  Because you know intimate details about the other person, you know what their motive is and you don’t want them to get away with anything.  I don’t usually have to ask, “what do you think they’re really saying?” its usually offered immediately by the person who’s worried I missed something.  And its important.  I want you to tell me the details of why they’re saying what they’re saying.  I need all the info you can give me because I don’t know either of you at all.  I don’t have the answers- You Do.  They’re just scattered, shattered, and all but forgotten.

My office is the place to think out loud.  Let the accusations, complaints, and oh so bias perceptions fly like the wind.  These are the exact ingredients which comprise your Reality.  You come to see me because you want that reality to look different tomorrow than it does today- but we can only work with what you bring to the table.

So let it out.  Tell me the whole story.  Because within that story is the keys necessary to unlock the next chapter for you. I don’t have any of the pieces to your puzzle, but I can help you turn them to make them fit.

When you’re Ready to Move On, I’ll be here.

Sometimes all you need is Someone to Turn the Puzzle Piece.

Sometimes all you need is Someone to Turn the Puzzle Piece.

Call Today.  The rest of your life begins Here. (509) 795-6888 Or email me with questions has links to my other social media sights as well as a direct link to email me.


Isn’t Mediation Really Just Giving In?

After all, if you could come to an agreement, you would have, right? So now it’s time to let a judge tell the other side that you’ve been right all along.

Think again.  Not only does the judge not have the opportunity to know the details that got you to the decisions you’re making; common sense isn’t always allowed.  Unless there’s a trail of police records **and you’re not part of them**….You may not want an authoritative stranger making life decisions for you.

Remember that in a court setting each party has the opportunity to tell their side of the story- and each story is given equal weight in  importance.

“Fair and Equitable” isn’t up to you.  It’s up to you to convince a stranger what “fair” in your life should look like.  Hey, maybe that’s what you want.  Maybe you want someone to tell you what you’re allowed to do; and what the consequence will be if you violate that Order.

But on the off chance that you want to make enforceable life decisions for yourself- Choose Mediation.

Here you can bring your WHOLE STORY and have more than 10 minutes to tell it.  Better yet, bring your attorney and let them help you say it right.  But in the end- YOU DECIDED.

The best part? You can change your mind…..What??? Life may change in ways you didn’t expect???  That’s right.  Change your mind as your needs change and have a say in what you’re obligations should be based on just that.

I’m not a Judge, Commissioner, or Attorney.  I’m just one of you.  What do I know? Only how it feels to really be there, and have to live with the decisions that were made.  When you need an authoritative stranger to let the other side know what’s best- its also being decided for YOU, and you’re just as put in your place as they are. So is Mediation really just giving in? Sure.  Giving in to the fact that you are capable of making your own decisions.  Maybe that’s not for you.

TrueNorthEmpire – I’m here to help.

I am not an attorney licensed to practice law in any state.  Nothing I have said or ever will say is ever legal advice. Ever.

A Chosen Perception

This was not some 3-D eye game where you have to cross your eyes to reveal a hidden image.  This was artful photography in a beautiful environment that I had quickly, subconsciously, and firmly decided what I was looking at.

It was one picture, but two photographs were taken to comprise it (I think- don’t quote me).

I enjoyed gazing at this great two-part photo of a person standing next to a fence with her hand on a rung of the fence; and in the overlapping pose she was facing the opposite direction.

After maybe an hour of visiting my colleague discussed the picture.  I was informed of some particulars. The information that became alarming to me was that she was not standing next to a fence, but next to a building.  Her hand was not on a rung of the fence, but on a window sill. (What?!)

As I stared more intently at this picture, I tried to force my eyes to see what I was being told was there.  It was not easy. I first had to convince myself that the “rungs” on the fence I saw were actually the slats of siding on a building.  Okay….got that far, now where’s the window sill? I looked up to the sides of where her hand was (where my brain told me the sides of a window should be if one really existed in this picture) and to my amazement the window appeared within the picture, as well as the roof of the building and the entire outline!

I stared in disbelief at this picture as more details revealed themselves to me…..I mean as I accepted the details I was already looking at.  I have reflected on this picture countless times since that day to remind myself how even the most rational of minds (mine is the most rational to me of course right?) are existing within a chosen reality.

My brain had picked quickly what made the most sense and even enjoyed the particulars of it.  But it didn’t exist! In how many other areas of life are we functioning on this basis? And is there anything wrong with that?

The answer is individual to each situation.  But I bring to my mind this example whenever I am faced with perceptions that differ from mine.

What we see is what we decide to see.  And that’s okay, as long as we are willing to allow in new information, and adjust our perception as the new info comes in.

Are You Ready To Move On?

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