You are Ready to Move On!

We all know that my job is never boring.  One piece I’m finding particularly interesting today is the number of people who are still legally married but have been separated in real life for a while, often a long while.  I’d say a decent percentage of my calls are from clients who just need to get their divorce finalized (and what they really mean is get the divorce started!)

I see how it happens, and I’m glad that there’s such a large number of people who have no interest in seeking the Fight as the Answer.  Whether you were married for one year or 15, it seems it is not uncommon to disentangle actual “real” life, and forego dealing with the paperwork.  The obvious reality of it is that it took paperwork to get married, and it takes paperwork to get UN-married (or as I like to say- “get single”).

When 2 people have been separated for years, it seems the most common time they seek the dissolution of their marriage is when they want to get married again, or add a new family member to their new(est) relationship.  Well that makes sense.  You don’t want to keep the old spouse when you get a new one.

These situations are really among the more pleasant of sessions held.  The clients usually have been living out some kind of existing schedule regarding finances, children, and whatever else was combined during the marriage.  I can often help them iron out any discomforts they had been simply enduring for the sake of not having to talk to one another.  Every client, every family, and every situation has their own set of standards that they live comfortably with, as well as some they don’t want to live with anymore.  No two stories are the same.  I am asked so many times, “What’s normal?”.  I have to reply with literally the same question.  I can offer parallels, similarities, generalities, but no “normal”.  The longer I’m a Mediator, the more firmly I believe that if you can think of it, people are doing it.

As I stated, I’m happy to be here for the people who are Ready to Move On.  And I am so very well aware of how life gets busy, life gets complicated, life gets fun, or life gets scary, and any one of those is a valid reason the details get put on hold.

I was just wanting to share a few thoughts on how we all live so differently, yet find some of the most interesting variables in common.  I also wanted to encourage any one that is hesitant to make an appointment because it has been so long, or maybe you’ve even made appointments with me, or another lawyer or Mediator; only to cancel, reschedule, or simply decide not to go.  While I am in no way a fan of no-shows- I do understand.  I also am not here to judge what ever has gone on in your life that led you to where you are now.  I’m here to help you get to where you want to be.

So don’t be shy.  Get on with your life!  I sure hope today’s note finds you enjoying your day.

And remember- The Rest of Your Life Begins Here.

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Click Here to see Why Belinda J?

You Selfish Resolver!

I’ve seen it in many cases throughout the years that once a couple separates; they become parent of the year, a fitness guru, or a financial planning genius.   It is often perceived by the other person to be all for show or even for spite.  I hear frequently that a parent is only attending the child’s sporting events, or volunteering at the school to make every one think they are this really great parent.  I also have clients tell me that the other person only hit the gym to make them jealous, or exclaim disgust because the spending habits that were a huge problem in the marriage are under control now that the marriage is over.  My clients feel it to be a direct jab at them for the other person to be finally doing what they had wanted for so long.  Let’s be honest- Sometimes it absolutely is.

I must ask however, why does that matter?  I realize its irritating. I understand why it’s irritating.  I’m pointing out that it’s not bad.  If a person betters them-self, whether for a moment or a lifetime, it’s not bad.  There is good available there.

When I drove by the courthouse last week there was a lot of snow on the sidewalk and the man with the hot dog stand was shoveling the walk.  Obviously he wants to keep access to his hot dog stand available.  So is he selfish?  His motive may be, or maybe not.  Maybe even if he didn’t have a hot dog stand he would have been out there shoveling the sidewalk in front of the courthouse, but I doubt it.  Many people benefited from his act of selfish kindness.   We also see it when there’s a national tragedy.  I sure hugged my kids tighter in the days before Christmas this year, and I know most every parent did.  Did we love our children less on December 13, 2012 than we did in the days after? I doubt it.  But I am certain that many families loved stronger the remaining days in 2012 and that was a positive reaction.

What I am trying to remind us all of is that positive outcomes can be derived from quite selfish motives.  If we begin acting like a more loving parent, a healthy eater, and a better financial planner- some of it will accidentally stick. While your likely to wish this desirable behavior was occurring already; not much is gained by being angry that is exists now.  What’s worse, your spending energy in the opposite direction of moving on.

Its okay to be unimpressed.   You don’t need to give bonus points for someone finally doing what they should have been doing all ready, or for helping others with a self serving motive.  But let them do it.  You don’t benefit enough from disliking the positive behavior to make it worth your time.

Want to learn more about mediation and what True North Empire can do to help you?  Call Today (509) 795-6888

The rest of your life begins Here.

Check out my Facebook page for inspirational quotes and occasional sarcasm, as well as more information on what True North Empire has to offer.

Isn’t Mediation Really Just Giving In?

After all, if you could come to an agreement, you would have, right? So now it’s time to let a judge tell the other side that you’ve been right all along.

Think again.  Not only does the judge not have the opportunity to know the details that got you to the decisions you’re making; common sense isn’t always allowed.  Unless there’s a trail of police records **and you’re not part of them**….You may not want an authoritative stranger making life decisions for you.

Remember that in a court setting each party has the opportunity to tell their side of the story- and each story is given equal weight in  importance.

“Fair and Equitable” isn’t up to you.  It’s up to you to convince a stranger what “fair” in your life should look like.  Hey, maybe that’s what you want.  Maybe you want someone to tell you what you’re allowed to do; and what the consequence will be if you violate that Order.

But on the off chance that you want to make enforceable life decisions for yourself- Choose Mediation.

Here you can bring your WHOLE STORY and have more than 10 minutes to tell it.  Better yet, bring your attorney and let them help you say it right.  But in the end- YOU DECIDED.

The best part? You can change your mind…..What??? Life may change in ways you didn’t expect???  That’s right.  Change your mind as your needs change and have a say in what you’re obligations should be based on just that.

I’m not a Judge, Commissioner, or Attorney.  I’m just one of you.  What do I know? Only how it feels to really be there, and have to live with the decisions that were made.  When you need an authoritative stranger to let the other side know what’s best- its also being decided for YOU, and you’re just as put in your place as they are. So is Mediation really just giving in? Sure.  Giving in to the fact that you are capable of making your own decisions.  Maybe that’s not for you.

TrueNorthEmpire – I’m here to help.

I am not an attorney licensed to practice law in any state.  Nothing I have said or ever will say is ever legal advice. Ever.

Litigation vs Resolve

Many of our disputes are headed toward litigation. Many are already in the middle of it.  Unfortunately, “lawsuit”, and “court action” are likely words you are familiar with.  The reason this is unfortunate is that there are other options available.

Many people feel that the only way to get a conflict resolved is to have a Judge tell the other person what to do.  It’s not uncommon to feel that a Judge or authority is the only way to “get through” to the person you are in conflict with.  My experience however, has been that no one likes to be told what to do.  It has also been my observation that the results of a dispute settled by a Court rarely makes anyone happy.  Even when people feel that they “won” in court, it is not a good feeling they leave with.  The cost alone of the litigation usually dampens any good feelings available.

What I’m describing here is that it’s more pleasant to choose to do something you don’t want to do (ie: compromise) than it is to be told to do something you were going to do anyway.   That’s simple human nature.  We want a choice, and we want to feel like the decision made was ours.

www.TrueNorthEmpire.com

Why Belinda J?

For over a dozen years I helped people’s lives become cases in files at the Courthouse.  I’ve been a supporter, a boy cotter, an advocate, and an op-poser to the judicial system that we all turn to when we need something in our life officiated, licensed, enforced; protected, denied, or dissolved.  That system is necessary, helpful, and overwhelmed

We need a Judge or Commissioner to help us be fair about intricate retirement plans, complex insurance settlements, or which Forensic Therapist was the most thorough.  We do not need someone to decide for us where the kids should spend Christmas; If eviction commences the 1st or 15th; And whether the ping-pong table was broken when we rented it.

I could go on about the educational certificates on the wall behind my desk; and why you should be impressed by them. I’ve been a Registered/Certified Paralegal, Certified Notary Public, Certified Mediator (several Certifications over), Transcriptionist, Contract Creator, Expert Witness, Digital/Video Authenticator, Coach, Speaker, Teacher, Leader, Outcast, and Mentor.

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What I am mostly is one of You- With experience in the areas that frustrate us most; and the ability to put in our words the actions that will bring to us the resolve that we really need.

Yes.

Belinda J.

Your Mediator.

Your Solution.

Your Way.

What is Mediation?

Mediation is communication. We need communication. Not a newsflash right? If we know this then why do we have disputes? We know we can’t read each others mind, so we have the tools right in our hands. Why don’t we just communicate? The answer is perception. We can picture in our head exactly what we want, but it’s difficult sometimes to explain it to someone else. Add that they already have a different picture in their head and the explanation is even more challenging. Toss in any element of emotion, and it’s a wonder we can communicate at all. This is where mediation is useful. It is much easier to convey your thought to a neutral third party (me!) and much more effective than the typical results of a dispute. Not that yelling, anger, and court action can be completely eliminated by mediation; but it sure can be a further away part of your history.

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